Between all and Nothing
by insert witty
Summary: Matt being angsty... His fear and doubts about love and trust is wearing him down. Can Tai make it better? Taito, shounen ai/yaoi, songfic... Please read! *this summary sucks; you'll probably surprized if you read it*^_^


Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon! And I don't own the song Fear by Sarah McLachlan.

A/N: Whoa… And here I go again with another TAITO… ^_^ Please read! *Yamato's POV*  (Ps: If this looks strange, I blame ff.net… *grumbles* they just cant seem to get the uploading thing right on this one… And believe me, I've tried!)

**Between all and Nothing **by ThatGirl

**Morning smiles  
like the face of a newborn child**

I feel your warm breath on my neck. 

**Innocent unknowing  
  
**

I shiver slightly. You are still asleep, your arms around my bare waist and our legs entwined.  

**Winter's end  
promises of a long lost friend  
  
**

I can't tell how much I love you. My heart, body and soul are entwined with yours, and I love you so much it makes me dizzy. 

**Speaks to me of comfort**

You sigh softly in your sleep and move your hand, unconsciously stroking my stomach lightly. It tickles.

I take your hand in mine, automatically caressing it with my fingertips.    

**But I fear  
I have nothing to give**

Dread wallow inside of me and my eyes start stinging. I shut them. I shut them and I love you so much it hurts.

  
**_I have so much to lose  
here in this lonely place  
tangled up in our embrace  
there's nothing I'd like better than to fall_**

I trust you. And that frightens me. 

**But I fear I have nothing to give  
  
**

Trust betrays me and it always has. But I can't deny that I trust you.  

**Wind in time  
rapes the flower trembling on the vine  
  
**

I don't want to be on my own. Even in crowded room and here with you I am alone. I hate it. I wish someone could see it. See me screaming in a crowded room. 

**Nothing yields to shelter it**

I snuggle closer to you, so that your chest is pressing against my back and we lie cheek to cheek under the quilt. I feel tears dampening my eyelashes. They burn and I crumple my eyebrows as they silently run down my face. 

**From above  
they say temptation will destroy our love  
  
**

Will you leave me?

**The never-ending hunger**

What am I to you? Love or just an easy screw?

**But I fear  
I have nothing to give**  
  


I'm so scared, Tai… What is it that I have that you could possibly want…? 

**I have so much to lose  
here in this lonely place  
tangled up in our embrace  
there's nothing I'd like better than to fall**

The fear and the pain of the mere thought of losing you is weighing heavily in me. Nagging at my most inner being, it threatens to strangle me.

I long for curling up into a ball, making myself as small and little as possible, just like I feel. But I don't, because then I'd have to break the contact between our bodies. I need you to be here for me, even if it's only your body next to mine and your hand that instinctively is stroking my skin so gently it makes me shiver.

But I fear 

You shift and tighten your embrace around me, nuzzling your face against mine as you stir.  
  


**I have nothing to give  
  
**

"Yama?" you ask and the confusion is clear in your tone. "Yama, how are you? Are you okay? Does it hurt? What is it?"

**I have so much to lose  
  
**

My eyes remain closed, but I know you know I am awake. 

**I have nothing to give  
  
**

"Please…" you beg me. "What's wrong? Please, tell me what's wrong…"

I can almost _feel_ your anguish and affection and worry and that makes me finally open my eyes to look at you. I must look horrible. I always do when I'm low. And yet your expression remains. 

My head hurts like if someone is trying to bend it open with a jemmy. A choked sob escapes my lips.

"I love you", I whisper, my wavering voice barely nothing more than a breath.

Your confusion thickens, but you sit up in the bed, pulling me with you and placing my trembling form half laying in your lap while you rock me back and forth.  
I sense you don't know what to say to make it better, but you try with "I love you too", but that only increases my tears.

**We have so much to lose.**

I lean my head against your strong chest and hope you wont mind. You just rest your chin on it so that you're almost completely engulfing me and I think tears of your own are starting to leak out of your eyes.   
"Why are you afraid of me…?" you ask. 

I hadn't thought you had noticed…

"I love you", I repeat weakly and you hold me closer when I let my head drop limply so that my jaw is touching my chest.

"And I love you", you say in a fusion sincerity and desperation. "I've always loved you, Yama, and I always will, and I won't leave and I love you…"

I suddenly get the feeling of that you are rocking and hugging me because you need it as much as I do. It makes warmth spread in my veins…

"Why?"

You snort, but not in a disapproving way.

"Because you're you. I wouldn't even be alive if you weren't here. I need you… more than… more than anything… Why don't you believe me?"

"M'sorry", I say, my voice cracking again. "It's so hard…"

You hush me.

"Don't cry because of me…I'm not worth that, Yama. Don't cry…" you whisper soothingly.

"You _are_ worth that" I look up and into your eyes.

"Please don't be afraid of me", you just say and I give in, nodding softly.

**I have nothing to give**

No more fear…

**I have so much to lose**

I trust you and I love you and the fear is gone…

_I have nothing to give_

I am nothing but me and you're nothing but you… 

**_We have so much to lose._******

You love me, we love each other, and we won't leave… 

The fear is gone.

A/N: Aww, c'mon… Please write a review!


End file.
